


1989

by neil4god



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Absolutely Sterek, Angst, Derek grieves for Laura, Derek moves away to New York, Growing Up, Guilt, Hale Family Feels, Lydia and Stiles are bros, Malia/Stiles breakup, Mental Health Issues, Multi, OMC - Freeform, Past Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, Rom-Coms, Running Away, Scott bashing - mostly him being called on his atrocious behaviour, Scott is a terrible friend and alpha, Songfic, Stiles centric mostly, Stiles is canon age so technically underage, Stiles' sexuality, derek is a teddy bear, disapproving sheriff, eichen house, ignoring the last five minutes of 5x10 re Theo, mentions Donovan's death, no mentions of Hayden, shifting pov, written out of sequence so let me know if anything is wrong please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:11:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4854197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neil4god/pseuds/neil4god
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is learning how to cope without Scott, now that he's out of the pack and his life is falling apart around him he needs to figure out who he is and how he's going to move on. All set to Taylor Swift's 1989.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome To New York

**Author's Note:**

> One chapter per track, this will cover the entire album and will be heavily Sterek with angsty Scott/Stiles interactions. Plus Lydia, 'cause she is awesome! Hope you like it.

_“Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer  
Everybody here was someone else before & you can want who you want,   
boys and boys and girls and girls” ___

____

This feels more like coming home than returning to Beacon Hills ever could. He missed the sounds of heartbeats under coats and the bustle of the city. It’s hard being here without Laura but he knows this is what’s best. He needs to be here, to be as far away from Beacon Hills as possible. That place is toxic. Every time he goes back there he loses another part of himself. In New York he can be anybody he wants, can be with anybody he wants. He doesn’t have to feel bad for wanting someone he shouldn’t. He can forget about whiskey eyes and a mole spattered neck. Here that doesn’t matter. 

There are plenty of guys who look and talk just like Stiles. Of course none of them smell the same, or react the same or touch him the same or, well they’re not the real thing. He can touch them though. New York offers him the anonymity to like whoever he wants and to act on his desires. He doesn’t have to worry about the sheriff shoving a wolfsbane bullet up his ass for having impure thoughts about his underage son. 

New York is good for him, he settles back into his apartment, taking the time to go through Laura’s stuff properly. He lets himself grieve and hold onto memories. It hurts, aches constantly, but at least here he’s safe. He can get blind drunk at two in the morning and not have to worry about Alpha packs or evil foxes. He can let himself be vulnerable. In a city this big, no-one cares about a has been alpha. He’s insignificant, just one more person in a city of millions. The crushing weight of responsibility is lifted from his shoulders and he can breathe for the first time since Laura died. He can let go of some of the guilt that’s been dragging him down. 

Of course he can’t help but wonder how things are going in Beacon Hills. He worries about Stiles mostly, fears Scott won’t protect him, that had always been Derek’s job after all. He’s afraid of what will happen the next time something tries to kill them all. Without Derek, Stiles will be on his own. No-one else seems to even realise the amount of time Stiles spends alone, waiting on Scott. They all talk about their epic bromance and bond of brotherhood, but Derek had a brother. Caleb was strong and smart and a complete pain in his ass. They fought all the time, couldn’t agree on anything, not even what take out to get on pack night. They called each other names, heaped abuse on one another, taunted teased and tormented each other. But they stood up for each other. Caleb would never let anyone say anything bad about Derek and vice versa. They had each other’s backs, through thick or thin, hail or shine, they stood by each other. Derek would have taken a bullet for Caleb and it was mutual. As far as he’s seen, Scott has never done that. It’s always been Stiles who risks his neck and defends the crooked jawed teenager. He can’t think of a single time where Scott has reciprocated. That make him worry, it’s more than just Stiles’ safety he’s concerned about, he’s worried Stiles will finally realise Scott is a shitty best friend and has been for years. Stiles doesn’t really have anyone outside Scott, his relationships with the other pack members are fraught with tension. The thing with Malia will never last and Lydia will leave them all in the dust as soon as she can escape that hellish place. Stiles won’t have anyone. 

Maybe, sometime soon, Derek could invite Stiles to New York. Maybe here Stiles can be someone completely new, just like Derek, maybe they can be new people together. He smiles as he thinks about it, yeah that would be nice.


	2. Blank Space

_“You’re the king baby, I’m your queen” ___

____

Stiles ignores things for as long as possible until right at the last moment when he’s forced to deal with it. It’s not the most mature way of dealing with his problems, but so far it hasn’t killed him, so he’s going to stick with it. That being said just because he’s ignoring them doesn’t mean he isn’t aware of them. On the contrary, he could lay out an alphabetized list of all the things he’s pretending not to notice. He doesn’t though because that would defeat the purpose. 

It doesn’t stop him thinking about it though. He doesn’t make a conscious choice to focus on his issues, they just shuffle around in his brain until he has to focus on them. So he picks one, the smallest, easiest thing to deal with is usually best. He can focus on that and ignore all the big life threatening issues he’s dealing with on a day to day basis. Mostly that works pretty well for him, but this time, well not so much. He’s ignoring the Scott thing and the dad thing and the Lydia thing so he needs something else to give his energy to. It comes to him in the middle of the night when he’s wandering through the deepest bowels of the internet and stumbles across a quote by Bobby Ficher “I don’t believe in psychology, I believe in good moves” when he remembers. 

It’s like a flash, a remnant of something long since lost and he’s able to grasp it just long enough to realise his mistake. This should have stayed firmly in the ignore pile. But it’s too late now, his brain has latched onto it and is working through the ramifications in his head. He labelled Derek as the king of his chessboard. He made Derek Hale, his sometimes ally/protector/greatest irritation, the most important piece in the entire game. Derek Hales must be protected at all cost, that’s what being the king means. In chess once the king is left standing, even if the board is wiped clean, the game can continue. Nothing is more important in chess than protecting the king, so why would he choose Derek as his king? Shouldn’t he have been a knight or some easily disposed pawn for Stiles to sacrifice at the first opportunity? 

His brain runs with it, hard and fast, spewing out uncomfortable truths he’s been avidly avoiding for going on a year now. He’s three red bulls in when he finally comes to an acceptable answer. It’s obvious really, Derek is the king because he deserves to be, because if Stiles had to choose (on pain of death or like no more red twizzlers ever) then he would pick Derek to be his alpha. In his heart of hearts he knows Derek is the better alpha, not because he’s necessarily a better man but because he’s learned to accept people’s flaws. He doesn’t hold it against them the way Scott does. He’s been through so much awful crap in his life that he understands weakness better than Scott ever could, behind that gruff exterior and eyebrows of doom, Derek is a caring person who just wants to love and be loved. It feels like he’s betraying Scott by even thinking it, but he and Scott aren’t speaking right now and besides, it’s the truth. Even as nothing more than a beta, Derek will always be his alpha.


	3. Style

_“Fade into view, it’s been a while since I have even heard from you  
I should just tell you to leave ‘cause I know exactly where it leads but  
I watch us go round and round each time” ___

____

He knows what’s coming. It’s been radio silence since the night Theo attacked them so he’s been expecting this, preparing himself for it really. He’s not sure if he’s okay about it or not. She was his first real girlfriend and the sex was great, not to mention she was sweet and understanding but ruthless and able to protect herself at the same time. These are all traits Stiles is a pretty big fan of. He needs someone like that, it was all the other stuff he didn’t need. 

Her social skills or lack thereof didn’t bother him too much, he wasn’t exactly the poster boy for them himself, but he hasn’t been able to get past their last conversation. She knew all the time that he had killed Donovan but she never said anything. It didn’t matter to her, which ok he gets given her childhood and the whole natural selection, survival of the fittest thing, but it meant something to him. It meant a whole hell of a lot. The silence from the car descends on them now, she’s leaving with Braedan. 

He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. Should they make it formal? Do the whole, it’s not me it’s you routine, when he knows she can smell the lie? Does he beg her to stay and try to salvage the remnants of their relationship? Is there even anything left to save? She seems to be thinking the same thing, the silence stretching even further, Stiles can’t help but picture Stretch Armstrong’s arms being pulled into infinity. He tries not to laugh at the image, but it’s enough to break the tension. He pulls her in tight for a hug and tells her to be safe. They don’t say it but they both know it’s over. He suddenly wished Lydia were here, she’d know what he should say, how to make this better. That thought just makes him hug her tighter until she’s pulling back and leaving. This time, he knows she isn’t coming back.


	4. Out Of The Woods

_“Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet?” ___

____

Lydia is so done with this, the endless counselling sessions and check-ups, the infinite doctor appointments and overabundance of medication. She’s ready to throw everyone off the roof of the building and prove them right. Prove she is dangerous and better off locked away, but she bides her time and plays the game. Once she woke up enough to fight the effects of the medication she started getting her shit together. She was Lydia Martin and she was not insane. Yes she was a little unbalanced for a while there, but she’s better now and anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves. She is getting out of here if it’s the last thing she ever does. 

So she smiles and she talks, endlessly about her emotions and how much stronger she feels now that she’s properly medicated. She goes to every therapy session they assign her and even ones they don’t. It takes two months but she finally convinces them she’s sane enough to go home and be normal again. She spends her first day of freedom in a spa being buffed polished and waxed within an inch of her life and it is heavenly. She can’t remember the last time she’s felt so good. It almost makes her want to stay there, just never leave the spa, never submerge herself back into reality. She knows it’s going to be hard, school will be a nightmare and who knows what new horror has descended upon Beacon Hills in her absence. 

She buys a new outfit to wear to her meeting with the pack. She bustles in, high heels clicking across the tile in Scott’s kitchen, ready to do business only something’s missing. Someone rather, she scans the kitchen again, taking in Scott and Liam with Mason tucked into the corner making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but no-one else. She’s been gone months so it’s understandable that things have changed, she’s not surprised that Malia is missing, the girl was always wild. She’s overjoyed to see that Theo is long gone and hadn’t really expected Kira or Derek to return, but that still leaves Stiles and Stiles should be here. He’s been immersed in this world since Scott was bitten and there isn’t anything that would keep him away from it, well nothing except Scott himself. 

The alpha is about to speak when she raises her hand into the air stopping him. He halts immediately, his eyes filled with guilt and remorse. It doesn’t take more than a minute for her to put the pieces together, Stiles’ distrust of Theo, his odd behaviour regarding the missing bodies and his absolute conviction that Donovan was dead. She feels stupid for having missed it before when now it seems to obvious. Stiles killed him and judging by the kicked puppy expression Scott is wearing, the idiot kicked Stiles out of the pack before Theo betrayed them. No wonder the boy was missing. After a betrayal like that Scott would be lucky if Stiles ever spoke to him again, let alone anything more than a hey when they passed each other in the halls. 

She spun on her heel without hesitation, there was no point in reprimanding Scott, if he hadn’t fixed this by now then he wasn’t going to, probably hadn’t thought there was anything to fix until Stiles put his foot down and his back up. The alpha could be so oblivious sometimes, it really wasn’t healthy. There was no way she was staying in this pack without Stiles. He was the only thing that made it bearable and frankly speaking, Scott wasn’t worth her time and effort. She wouldn’t tie herself to an alpha who thought the monsters turned out to be just trees, she was through playing pretend.


	5. All You Had To Do Was Stay

_“Let me remind you, this was what you wanted  
You ended it, You were all I wanted,  
But not like this, not like this” ___

____

There was a time when Lydia would have jumped at the chance to have Jackson back. Hearing he was returning home after almost a year abroad, she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. Her entire life was overwhelming. Despite trying to ease back into normality now she was finally free of Eichen House, she still felt out of whack. Too much had happened in her life to ever go back to the normal she knew before Peter. That doesn’t stop her from considering it though. 

When she gets the email from Jackson she can’t help the small squeal that slips out or the excitement building in her belly, but it doesn’t last long. He’s been gone for too long, missed to much, for them to pick up where they left off. Not that they left off in a particularly great place. Jackson dumped her, again, to go to London and live with his great aunt Roberta. It was his decision to cut off all contact and his decision that they should see other people. 

Jackson suffered from a severe case of buyers remorse, he always acted impulsively and then regretted it later. She knew when he left that he wouldn’t be able to stay away, not forever, not really. They were too deeply connected to stay apart for long, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t angry about it. Hell she was furious, she threw a chair at his head! It didn’t stop him from leaving though. Now that he’s gotten what he thought he wanted he’s realised he doesn’t actually want it and wants to continue with their romance, well it’s too late for that. He chose this. He left her and she’s moved on. She’s practically a new person now, all those silly pretences she used to keep up have fallen by the wayside. She’s not afraid to let people see her as she really is, as messed up and slightly crazy as that is. She doesn’t need him anymore.


	6. Shake It Off

_“I never miss a beat  
I’m lightning on my feet  
And that’s what they don’t see, mmm-mmm  
That’s what they don’t see, mmm-mmm” ___

____

Ever since the night his dad was kidnapped (again) his life has sort of fallen apart. His classmates stare at him now as he walks down the crowded halls. He hates the way they stare, pitying but somehow smug as well. It’s hard not having anyone to talk to. Everyone knows what a loner he is now. He’s not speaking to Scott anymore, no matter how much he apologises, they’re all for show anyway, Scott doesn’t actually mean any of them. Malia is on the run with Braedan somewhere in South America chasing after the Desert Wolf and Lydia is in Eichen House supposedly recovering. That leaves him totally alone. He lost Liam and Mason in the divorce and Kira hasn’t so much as texted anyone since she left for Japan. 

He doesn’t remember it being this bad before the werewolf crap. They were always kind of losers, Stiles was too loud and uncoordinated to have many friends. He had Scott though and Heather, now he feels isolated and more alone than ever. His father is barely able to look at him after Donovan and there isn’t anything he can do to fix that. He wouldn’t even begin to know how to. 

Instead of crying over it or having yet another panic attack, he blasts his headphones so high he can’t hear anything other than Taylor Swift and he shakes his booty to her groove. He knows even more people are probably staring at him now. He doesn’t come across as a typical Tay-Tay fan, but this is his motherfucking jam. He swivels his hips and nods his head to the beat because to hell with Scott. To hell with teachers and school and nosy neighbours. To hell with his dad’s judgemental looks and Malia’s oppressive silence. He doesn’t need them, not when he can still shake his butt and enjoy life, even if it is just a song on the radio. This is the first time in weeks he’s smiled and he’s going to enjoy it. He’s going to enjoy everything from now on because life is way too short. If he doesn’t get out of this depressed funk now then he’s going to be drowning in emo music and turn into Derek Hale within a year. He’s better than that, stronger than that and he’s going to prove it. He’s going to shake it off, all of it, all of the horrendous crap that has happened to him in the last year or so. He’s done with it. 

These people staring at him, judging him, they don’t know anything about him. They have no clue what his personal life has been like for the past year, hell the past decade. The people who do know, well they just don’t see it. Scott certainly didn’t anyway, all he ever was to him was a liability. The only people who ever really understood him and he hates to admit this, even to himself, were Peter and Derek. Peter understood his need to stay human and even respected it a little. Derek despite their differences, and there were many, got Stiles on some basic level that no-one else ever did. They understood one another, the shitty choices Derek made, as terrible as they were, Stiles always understood them. That’s what he’s going to focus on now, let the haters hate. There are people out there who get him, even if one is locked in an asylum, given time there will be others. One day everyone will see how awesome he is, until then, he’s going to keep dancing on his own.


	7. I Wish You Would

_“You always knew how to push my buttons (I I I I, I I I wish, I wish, I)  
You give me everything and nothing (I I I I, I I I wish, I wish, I)  
This mad, mad love makes you come rushing (I I I I, I I I wish, I wish, I)” ___

____

It’s hard sometimes to forget Derek. Even through all of their fights and epic glare downs, Stiles still felt a connection between them. He hated that Derek was gone even if he couldn’t put into words the exact reason why. It wasn’t a physical attraction, well it was, Stiles felt this constant need to touch the planes of Derek’s flesh. He found the solid wall of muscle a comfort in an otherwise cold universe. He found himself enjoying the press of Derek’s body against his own as he was smashed between Derek and a wall/and or any available flat surface. That’s not what he misses though, sure it feels like his gravitation is off without Derek to orbit around. He keeps expecting the creeper to suddenly appear in his bedroom or be leaning against his jeep outside the gas n sip. 

It’s Derek’s presence he finds himself missing the most, that sense of sheer will and determination that Derek seemed to radiate. No matter how terrible things got, Derek always pulled through. His sheer bloody mindedness was soothing almost. Stiles found it something he could depend on. Derek didn’t do despair no matter how shitty things got. He didn’t give up because that was the easy way out and Derek was many things but a coward was not one of them. He took the hardest road possible because he could. He made awful decisions pretty much all the time but at least he was making decisions. He tried. He stuck with them through every awful thing that hit the town. He stuck with Stiles. 

At least he did. With Scott becoming a proper alpha (at least in theory) Derek had been ousted out of Beacon Hills. He said goodbye this time after giving Scott several top secret werewolf lessons over the summer. Once he deemed Scott okay to go (or rather, Scott decided he’d had enough lessons and didn’t need Derek anymore, so could he please get off his fucking territory) he went back to New York and moved on probably. Stiles hasn’t heard from him since he left. There was a voicemail left on his phone that he listens to late at night sometimes. It’s nothing much, just Derek giving him his new number and telling him to call if he needs anything, but it makes the noose around his chest loosen a little to hear it. 

He doesn’t call. He doesn’t want to drag Derek back into this hellhole. He almost does, the night he kills Donovan. It takes everything in him not to do it. He knows Derek would come home, he knows Derek would worry about him, not just about the bite mark on his shoulder and the awful terrible things that could lead to. He would care about Stiles himself and how he was coping. His concern would be gruff but genuine and it would probably make him fall apart and blubber like a baby. He knows Derek would understand and empathise even if he said nothing but raised an eyebrow. They knew how to read each other now, had learned their tells and quirks long ago. He knew Derek would believe him about Theo. He wouldn’t even hesitate, would trust blindly in Stiles’ instincts in a way no-one else ever has. He just wishes Derek knew how much he missed him. 

He doesn’t call because he knows that Derek would grit his teeth and harden his resolve to come home. He can picture the grim determination on his face as he passes the ‘Welcome to Beacon Hills’ sign. He cares about Derek too much to put him through that again. Stiles doesn’t need Derek to come down here in a rush to rescue him from his emotions because knowing that he would is enough.


	8. Bad Blood

_“Did you think we’d be fine? Still got scars on my back from your knife,  
So don’t think it’s in the past, these kinda’ wounds they last and they last  
Now did you think it all through? All these things will catch up to you  
And time can heal but this won’t, so if you’re coming my way, just don’t” ___

____

It takes everything he has to walk the other way, to glide past Scott like he wasn’t there. He does his best to ignore the puppy dog eyes and the pout but it slides past his defences just like always. He manages to keep his mouth shut though, curling his lips in a snarl at his former friend. Scott seems to think they can just move past this, that there wouldn’t be consequences, then Scott was always good at dodging the consequences. He did it with Gerard and Derek after all and again with the Alphas. In Scott’s mind the end justifies the means, so long as he’s the one coming out on top. It took Stiles a really long time to notice that about him. 

That doesn’t make this any easier, in fact it just makes him feel like an idiot for being so oblivious to his faults. It hurts to remember the good times. They can’t go back to that, not with so much bad blood between them. Stiles feels like he’s drowning in it sometimes, his anchor is gone and all that’s left is anger and regret. Scott was supposed to have his back. Thinking about it though he knows that’s never how things actually played out. It was always Derek who pulled Stiles’ ass out of danger, Scott just appeared at the penultimate moment to steal all the credit and trash talk the former alpha. 

Stiles tries not to dwell on thoughts of Derek either, he can only deal with one awful situation at a time. He hustles down the corridor, afraid to look back and see Scott still staring at him, all innocent and confused. That more than anything else is driving this wedge between them deeper, Scott’s pathetic attempt at an apology was underwhelming and totally insincere. What did it matter that Stiles was right about Theo all along? What did it matter that Stiles was falling apart because of killing Donovan? The only thing Scott could focus on was a slap-dash apology that was so insincere Stiles had to grit his teeth to keep from screaming. Scott didn’t see his actions as wrong. His blatant distrust, never mind the fact that he threw Stiles out of his pack, seemed all water under the bridge now. Given the circumstances Scott feels justified. He knows that if the tables were turned Stiles would have believed in Scott. Given the same set of circumstances Stiles knows, down to his core, that Derek would have believed him and that says something. This wasn’t something Theo manufactured out of thin air, this was a long time coming, Stiles just never saw it until the sword was in his back so to speak. 

This went deeper than some blatant manipulations and sowing seeds of doubt. Scott stopped believing in Stiles a long time ago, seemed content with it even. Stiles doesn’t know how to go back to being friends after this, how to move on with their bromance. At some point, he doesn’t know when exactly, Scott stopped listening to him. No matter what Scott thinks, band aids don’t fix bullet holes. It’s going to take more than some puppy eyes and a half assed apology to fix this, hell Stiles isn’t even sure he wants to fix it. Some things aren’t worth saving. He ducks his head and shoves on his headphones, he’s not going back, he’s not willing to live with ghosts.


	9. Wildest Dreams

_“I can see the end as it begins, my one condition is  
Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe” ___

____

Jordan packs his bags on a Thursday. This town is toxic and he can’t stay in it a moment longer. He throws his stuff in his car, hands over his keys to the sheriff, ignoring the boorish stare and angry tone. Lately the sheriff has been like a different person, angry, sullen, withdrawn, coming into work with the stench of stale alcohol clinging to his clothes. It makes him worry about Stiles, he knows from Lydia that the kids having a hard time. He wishes there was something he could do to make it better but he doesn’t know how. 

He drops by Lydia’s before he leaves, desperate to see her one last time. He wants to remember her like this, innocent and sultry, soft voiced and strong willed. He burns it onto his retinas, her hair like a halo of fire as she kisses his cheek and tells him to be safe. He can’t help but lean in closer, brushing his lips against hers. He tries to keep it chaste but the way she opens under him makes it impossible. He can’t help himself now, he has to taste her, has to feel her moan against him all breathy and warm. It takes all of his self-restraint to step away from her. She’s flushed and beautiful and too damn young so he turns away. He’s nearly at his car when she grabs hold of his arm and swings him around to face her. He thinks she’s going to kiss him again, seduce him with those red lips. Instead she tucks a small piece of paper into his fist and whispers in his ear, “My new number, wait three weeks then call me, I’ll be in New York and eighteen.”  
She kisses his cheek and sprints back into the house so fast she doesn’t see the smile that splits across his face. He keeps smiling all the way across state lines and doesn’t stop until he’s pulling past the Welcome to New York sign.


	10. How You Get The Girl

_“She’ll open up the door and say, “Are you insane (ane)?’”  
Say it’s been a long 6 months & you were too afraid to tell her what you want.” ___

____

Even thinking about it is insane but the very fact that he can’t seem to stop thinking about it means he has to. He can’t live like this anymore, he doesn’t want to. For better or worse he wants to spend the rest of his life with Stiles, even if that means going back to Beacon Hills. He misses him too much not to. He spends nearly a month planning it. He has it mapped out in his head, what he needs to say and how to make Stiles believe him. He needs Stiles to believe him. 

He has to make amends and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get Stiles to forgive him, not that there is technically anything to forgive, they were never in a relationship. They could have been though. It was there in every soft touch, every heated glance and wide eyed stare. They could have something amazing and Derek walked away from that. Their attraction was an unspoken one, Derek didn’t mention it when Stiles reeked of lust around him and Stiles didn’t say anything when Derek pressed to close to scent him. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real though. Derek has never experienced anything as real in his life, no other relationship has ever come close to the depth of intimacy and trust they accumulated by pretending to hate each other. He knows he has to get that back and he’s willing to sacrifice his dignity to do it. 

He’s taken lessons from every rom-com movie he could stomach watching. He’s bought an old school boom-box and has the local florist on speed-dial. He’s not going to try to play it cool because honestly he couldn’t if he tried. He’s going to beg Stiles to go out with him whether that means moving back to town or following Stiles to whatever college he chooses. He’s made a list of all of Stiles’ favourite candy and has started bulk buying it so he can inundate the boy with his favourite sweets. He knows Stiles loves to torment him with Twizzlers so he buys them in every flavour he can get his hands on. His apartment is starting to look like a sweetshop. He has put each piece of candy into old fashioned glass jars that he’s carefully labelled, ‘Love Always, Your Sourwolf’. Cora thinks it’s creepy so he hasn’t shown her any of the other jars and their more unique labels. He could feel her judging him all the way from Argentina. 

He decides to call first, just to make sure Stiles is in the state and not at some away game or being chased by giant leprechauns through Boston (he’s sure that could happen). The dial tone cuts off immediately not even going to voicemail so taking his sister’s unwanted advice, he creeps on him through facebook. His heart plummets to the floor when he sees his wall. It’s blank, he hasn’t updated in months, not so much as a selfie. Until now Derek has maintained radio silence. He had been certain that Stiles would be there if he ever went back. Now though his gut is churning and he has this terrible feeling he can’t name. Hesitant and a little afraid he calls Scott. It takes four tries before the younger boy answers and when he does he’s petulant and growly. Derek is barely able to get a word in between Scott’s moaning about chimera’s and being betrayed. He doesn’t get it right away but when it clicks, when he realises that Scott feels betrayed by Stiles he has to hang up the phone. It’s either that or he’ll verbally eviscerate the nimrod. 

He knows Stiles and there is no way he would ever betray his best friend, Scott however, he wouldn’t even hesitate. Derek knows from personal experience that Scott doesn’t always see his actions as reprehensible, he likes to shift the blame onto whoever’s nearest instead. In this case that means Stiles. He feels a flash of guilt for not being there, if he had been, then, then what? Scott would still be acting like an idiot but maybe Stiles wouldn’t be alone. He hated to think of how isolated the teenager would become if he didn’t have Scott anymore. 

In the end he decides to bide his time. He doesn’t want to get dragged into whatever mess Scott has created, not when his gut is telling him to stay put, that this time Stiles will come to him. So he keeps buying candy and binge watching Sandra Bullock films. He can be patient just a little while longer. Stiles is worth the wait.


	11. This Love

_“This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark  
These hands had to let it go free & this love came back to me” ___

__

There isn’t anything she can do but hope. She holds it tight in her chest and tries not to worry about it. He will be there, she knows he loves her, has seen it in his eyes. No-one has ever looked at her the way he did. Jackson’s love was adolescent and immature, a product of his own youth, but Jordan looks at her and sees everything. He sees her as an equal, an adult, someone to stand shoulder to shoulder with through thick and thin. 

She finds herself missing him desperately and replaying their last moments in her head over and over again. She finds herself thinking about him constantly wondering what he’s doing while she talks Stiles through their AP maths homework. It’s never enough of a distraction. She finds the equations laughably basic and despite saying otherwise she knows Stiles feels the same. They’ve been pretending to study together, or rather, Stiles is pretending that Lydia is tutoring him. He doesn’t need tutoring, he needs companionship, they both do. The truth is she’s lonely. Now that Parrish is gone she has no-one but Stiles and as wonderful as he is, they’re both pathetically alone so she hopes. She sends out a silent prayer to whatever deity there may be that things work out. They don’t want to be alone anymore.


	12. I Know Places

_“Just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it my love,  
They are the hunters, we are the foxes and we run” ___

____

It’s not a plan so much as an idea, something he can focus on to get him through the day. He spends every spare minute he can studying with Lydia, he’s never been so grateful to have her near him as now. She is the only good thing he has left in his life and he clings onto that. He knows they’ll never be lovers and he’s honestly okay with that, he’s starting to think he needs to explore other options, mainly the masculine kind. He never had a big coming out moment like Danny, he just always knew that boys were sometimes as pretty as girls. It wasn’t an issue, he like boys and girls and he was ok with that. His dad liked to pretend he was straight, had breathed a sigh of relief probably when he brought home Malia. 

Not that who he was with would affect their relationship anyway, things were so tense between them now that he could bring home Robert Downey Jr and his dad wouldn’t care. The sheriff was passed caring about Stiles full stop, at least that’s what it felt like now. There wasn’t anything in their house but burning resentment and awkward silences. It was easier to spend time at Lydia’s, easier to focus on the idea of running away than to deal with the cold front in his house. 

Between Lydia’s tutoring, his already great grades and his sudden lack of friends, Stiles’ GPA is the best it’s ever been so he’s able to graduate early with Lydia. They don’t celebrate the way he always imagined they would. There’s no class party or drunken shenanigans, Lydia’s mom takes them to dinner someplace nice and his dad doesn’t even acknowledge it. All in all it’s a pretty quiet affair. 

It’s only when they’re sprawled out on Lydia’s bed that they talk about it. Neither one has mentioned it, this silent goal they were both desperate to achieve, but now it’s in touching distance they can’t not talk about it. Stiles has an inheritance he can claim once he turns eighteen from his grandma Olga, it’s enough to cover college and someplace cheap to stay if he budgets it right. As the person who’s been running a household for near on a decade, Stiles is very good with budgets. Lydia’s dad has already put a cheque into her account that should cover the first year of college fees so they don’t have to worry about money, they can just go. 

The guilt tries to consume them, but they’ll die here, stifled and unappreciated, they have to escape. It’s midnight when they pull up to his house, his dad is working a double so he doesn’t have to worry about being interrupted. There’s a bag under his bad already packed with all of his mother’s photos and the memories he can’t bear to leave behind. He shoves his laptop, chargers and toiletries in while Lydia goes through his wardrobe. He’s able to save a few things, his favourite Captain America shirt, a pair of Aperture boxers he loves to sleep in, but the majority of his clothes are left behind. Apparently a new life deserves a new wardrobe (not that Lydia left any of her clothes behind), she tells him he needs a fresh start but they both know it’s just an excuse so she can dress him however she wants. He resigns himself to being her Ken doll because maybe she’s right. It might be nice to look different, be someone new in someplace he’s never been before. 

Her car has a full tank of gas and is bulging with their (her) personal possessions. It doesn’t take them long to leave the town limits. Stiles tosses his phone into the bushes as they drive past. He has a new one ready to go with all of his important contacts, the ones he can’t let go of, it has a new number though one no-one in Beacon Hills has. Lydia does the same, just so no-one can track them using the GPS, she’ll call her parents when they get to New York and let them know she’s safe. 

For having never actually spoken about this, never having planned it in advance, they both know exactly where they’re going. Lydia doesn’t hesitate as she heads onto the highway, just turns the music up and puts her foot on the gas. She squeezes his hand and sings along to the radio and he knows they’re going to be ok. School doesn’t start for another few months, that’ll give them enough time to come up with a real plan, hopefully they won’t be doing it alone.


	13. Clean

_“Rain came pouring down when I was drowning  
That’s when I could finally breathe” ___

____

It takes Stiles two weeks to build up his courage enough to tell Lydia he’s found Derek. He knows the second he tells her she’ll be hauling him across the city to find the former alpha. He’s just scared that Derek won’t want them here. Not that this was about Derek. They left because they needed to, they were suffocating and there wasn’t any need to be, not when there wasn’t anything keeping them there. That doesn’t mean he’s not terrified that Derek will laugh in his face and slam the door on him. He knows logically that Derek would never do that to him, but the fear creeps in regardless. 

He’s right, the instant he tells her, she’s hauling him and Jordan onto the subway and straight to Derek’s loft. She tutts at him the whole way, complaining about his low self-esteem, while she fixes his hair and tugs at his shirt, he just lets her. It’s easier that way and Jordan finds it amusing so at least someone is happy. He’s too nervous to even pretend to listen. Jordan lays a comforting hand on his shoulder and Stiles lets himself soak in their confidence. They are both so certain that this will work so he has to try. They make it to Derek’s loft without him even noticing. Lydia has her hand raised to knock when the door is wrench open and a dishevelled Derek Hale is before them. He’s dripping wet in nothing more than a towel, obviously just out of the shower. Jordan pushes him to the front and Derek’s kaleidoscopic eyes track the motion. Lydia gives him another shove so he’s colliding with Derek, falling forward onto that muscled chest, his arms swinging wildly for balance. Instead of pushing him back Derek tugs him even closer, wrapping his arms around him so tight it hurts. He doesn’t care though, he can feel every inch of Derek pressed against him, can smell his sweet woodsy musk that Stiles always associates with safety. 

They stay like that, in the hallway, pressed tightly against each other even after Lydia and Jordan shimmy past and snuggle up on Derek’s couch together. They only break apart when Lydia squeals and suddenly they’re both blushing and Derek is looking awkwardly at his feet. For once in his life he doesn’t know what to say but he doesn’t have to. Lydia comes to his rescue, prancing across the loft with a glass jar in her hand and amusement dancing in her eyes. Derek blushes right up to his ears when he sees it but he doesn’t say anything, just smiles this shy little smile Stiles has rarely seen on him. If it’s enough to make Derek Hale smile then it must be important. He tears his gaze away from Derek and tries to focus on Lydia instead, but it’s hard because Derek is gravitating closer and closer to him without seeming to realise. His big hands are resting against Stiles’ waist and how is he supposed to focus when Derek is touching him? A snarky comment from Lydia has him trying though, and it’s worth it when he gets a proper look at the jar. It’s stuffed full of red Twizzlers and has a small hand printed label on the side, ‘So you can tease me some more, Your Sourwolf’   


He can’t stop the laugh it startles out of him or the way he presses his body back into Derek so they’re pressed tight against each other again. He can feel how happy Derek is to have him there and it gives him the confidence to make the first move. The kiss is firm and demanding but somehow still vulnerable. He feels stripped raw and laid bare for Derek. The older man gives back as good as he gets though, muttering words in between kisses “Was going to make a big production.”   
“Supposed to be romantic”   
“Roses”   
“Boom-box in the car”   
Stiles follows each one with another kiss until they’re grinding against each other and Lydia is shouting at them to get a room. 

They break apart but they stay in contact, Derek shoves his nose into Stiles’ neck so he can scent him properly. It’s only when Derek is satisfied that he pays any attention to his other guests. He blushes again and makes his way across the room, Stiles in tow, to hug Lydia and shake hands with Jordan. Everyone is smiling and laughing and it feels like Beacon Hills was a million years ago. For the first time in months he doesn’t have an ache in his chest cutting off his air. He can breathe again and from the looks of the others, so can they. They’re not alone anymore, they have each other and Stiles knows that's never going to change.


End file.
